PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR QUITE POSSIBLY THE MOST OUTR AGEOUS STRING ‘EM UPYET TO GRACE OUR PAGES. THE KILLSWITCH ENGAGE AXEMEN DISCUSS CHOCOLATE FOUNTAINS, TAMPAX AND BAGS OF POO ••• TAKEN IN 2007

We Were this close to pulling a fast one on killswitch engage’s hirsute axe duo Adam Dutkiewicz and Joel Stroetzel. The premise was, instead of sticking to the usual formula of asking them a bunch of questions sent in by your good selves, we would film the look on their faces when we turned up and initiated a hard-hitting debate on health issues, prison reform, and local government taxation. But then we realized it’d probably be a shit load funnier to ask them about swimming in crap, cursing fellow musicians, and tour-bus masturbation. Don’t say we never spoil you …

Oi, Dutkiewizzle or whatever your name is, why won’t you call my mother back? Do you often give your number out to fans? Questioned by Big Franz, Brighton

Adam Dutkiewicz: “your or wasn’t worth the two dollars spent on the super value menu at McDonald’s! And I never give out my number … Fans, or KSE haters for that matter, calling at 3 am sounds like as much fun as sticking your dong in a hot toaster oven. “

I went on the Internet to find out what a kill switch was and couldn’t because your band occupies all the search options. Do you actually know what a kill switch is, and how to engage one? Questioned by Billy Bromley, by email

A: “yes, I do … It’s something I’d like to use on you for asking that bunk-ass question! Ha! Boom! It’s about shutting something down, like your life. “

Joel Stoetzel: “a kill switch is something that shuts down a motor engine. Our bass player mike[d’antonio] thought of the name- he heard the word and started playing around with it. His band at the time was coming to an end, as was mine and adam’s, and we wanted to stan something new so we shut everything else down by activating the kill switch!”

A: “I’ll get the next question will be equal or greater in retardedness … “

I want to throw a killswitch engagement party for my fiancee. Can you recommend an appropriate theme? Questioned by Craig Milebam, London

A: “yup, greater in retardedness. well, a true KSE theme for a party would be a lot of beer, fried chicken, maybe a water slide, 80smetal, all-you-can-eat beef jerky, and a fountain that spews chocolate pudding. Oh, there would probably be a mosh pit with shirtless dudes wearing helmets, too.”

J: “haha! That’s awesome. That phrase has come up in our camp, too, as some of the guys have gotten married in the past year. I got married in march and mike D got married in October. Recommend aHeme theme? We kept ours pretty quiet. We went out for steaks and got drunk afterward. That’s a good enough theme for me! “

Is it true you only got Howard to ‘sing’ in killswitch because Sebastian bach said be would rather get his head cut off? Questioned by Pete, London

A: “what the christ are you talking about? I’ll bet your morn huffed paint fumes while pregnant with you. Howard can sing, and he likes to sing, therefore he sings. How about that! Boom! “

J: “we didn’t approach Sebastian to my knowledge. That would have been pretty awesome though! I love skid row and I love bach’s voice. “

Who do you think is better, slash or kirk Hammett? Questioned by Jo Hillmount, Gateshead

A: “yikes! That’s like getting asked, ‘do you want to get stabbed with a dagger or an ice pick? “

J: “that’s a tough one. I might have go with Slash. I was a huge fan of kirk while growing up, but I would have to base it on style. Slash had that really laid-back bluesy style whereas kirk was more of the classic thrash shred scuff, which is equally as awesome, but it’s just personal preference.”

A: “although his tone is atrocious, I prefer slash’s playing way over Hammett’s. That curly-haired, monkey-looking Metallica bitch sold his right to play metal years ago, and all of his solos on the good records suck anyways. On the other hand, slash is a little shot but really shone on the appetite for destruction. “

What bands would be ill your ideal festival line-up? Questioned by Soph, by email

A: “well, first of all, it would be hosted by Cadbury, bass ale, and a lot of Indian people, so there would be all the chocolate, beer, and curry you could eat. Second of all, there would be a tent full of hot girls appropriately named ‘the hot girl tent’. And as far as the band lineup goes, who gives a shit? ! “

J: “always iron maiden, dude, we’re all huge fans. Metallica back in the late 80s. Maybe some old testament, too. That’d be a good start for me to see some old metal. I haven’t been listening to a lot of new metal stuff recently, more classic rock.”

If you had to sleep with another guitarist who would it be? Questioned by Chris Mountford, Redditch

J: “haha! Female or male? Oh, Jesus … These are some wacky questions, brother! I have no idea. Probably

adam! We have to share beds in hotels all the time on the road so we’re past the weirdness s. We’re pretty comfortable with each other’s bodies! “

A: “I’d probably choose jewel. She’s the hottest guitar player I can think of. Oh, wait … Does she still have that wicked snaggle tooth? It looks like someone used her teeth for a can opener! “

When you were younger what was the one riff that you could never get right? Questioned by Lucas Clarkey, by email

A: “I always had some trouble Eruption by Eddie Van Halen. His style and nuances are weird to me, but I frigging love that dude’s playing. No one sounds like him. “

J: “I would say probably the second riff in the master of puppets. At the time I couldn’t get my hand down-pick it that fast and I wasn’t coordinated enough to do the alternative picking so that one killed me when I started playing. You’ve gotta use all four fingers on your left hand. It’s the spider riff it’s a little weird. “

Your latest single my curse is awesome. If you could curse someone with anything, what would it be? Questioned by Lionel Rytchye, LA

A: “I would curse everyone in my band with uncontrollable gas. Nothing’s funnier than farts. “

J: “if I had to curse someone would make chem always stay up as late as I chose and drink as much as me. You might say that’s not a curse at first, but believe me, in the end … The next day it would definitely be a curse. I would inflict that on Adam for making us miss him so much on this tour … “

Have either of you ever been caught wanking on the tour bus? Questioned by Willy Wanker, Never Land

A: “thank god, no. I’ve never even shit on a bus. Howard jones has had several ‘bagged poo’ moments though, aka the bag of shame! “

Why did you do an endorsement with caparison and not a bigger company like Ibanez or esp? Questioned by Uli Kanka, Bonn, Germany:

A: “Caparison was one of the first companies that believed killswitch engage. I feel that models are far superior to most of the Ibanez and esp production line models as well. There is more attention to detail and craftsmanship. Caparison has also been much more generous to us than the other companies have been known to be. “

J: “‘we were approached by Ibanez’s cos at the time j was playing a JEM and adam was playing a Satriani model, and part of their thing was they didn’t wanna give out any kind of guitars that were already signature models, so we held off for a while. Then we toured with the guys from Soilwork and they both played caparison. They put us in contact with them. They’re a really nice small company and just make great guitars. “

What’s the worst show that you guys have ever played? Questioned by Henry Denn, Liverpool:

A: “ha! All of them! Actually, there was a show in Philadelphia where l forgot my guitar. Donetsk. Anyways, I had to borrow one of Joel’s back-ups, which didna have any fret markers. Needless to say, I was drunk, I

couldn’t see what l was playing … It was quite A cacophonous event. “

J: “actually the worst show ever was when we didn’t even get to play. It was in Florida years ago and we started loading the gear while there was a hurricane blowing. A bunch of the pipes burst in the venue and there was literally shit floating all over the floor. Eventually, after waiting for them all day to clean up all this shit, we waded out and left. “

Is it true that when darkness falls was actually inspired from when Howard slipped on a bar of soap in the shower? Questioned by Dave T, Surrey

A: “No It was inspired about the time Howard went hot air ballooning, and the basket became untied to the balloon when it was about 20 feet up. He landed safely. “

Joel, what’s the most ridiculous thing adam D’s said on stage? Questioned by Graham Jones, Cardiff.

J: “The other night he said, ‘i just wanna let you guys know that last night I fucked all your mothers, but what you don’t know is that six months before last night I also fucked all your mothers, and last night I let the baby do the work’. That’s probably the shittiest thing he ever said. I don’t know how he comes up with it. It’s always completely random. On, Ozzfest he said, ‘hey, you guys should probably have a Tampax tent for all you pussies out there. “‘

Would either of you ever be up for a ‘squeal-off’ with Zakk Wylde? Questioned by Gaz, Wrexham

J: “I would try but l would be afraid, very afraid. He’s the master. He’s been one of my heroes for many years. I would be honored to even try but he would kick my ass!

A: “Zakk is king. “

For the sideburns, you play it down and pretend like you’re just having a laugh, but really you are the shit when it comes to recording band, right? Questioned by The hairy Ju of frome

A: “nope. I know everything about everything that is beer. It is my life, it is my one and only desire. Barley, yeast, and hops equal passion. The recording is just ok, I guess. “

Adam, if you could produce any band on the planet, who would it be and why? Questioned by Niles Crane, Seattle

A: “limp Bizkit just so I could punch Fred Durst in the ball wicked hard. “

Also check:

An Old Interview Of Dimebag Darrell – The Rough Rider